Written 21/02/2001

The Sufi Path of Love

There is a way of loving the world; being in love with it. Sometimes I feel this sense of euphoria – which sounds eccentric and insane but is surprisingly extremely calming. The last time I felt it was just tonight; whilst I was crossing the field I breathed in (I always take deep breaths when I hear,see, smell something beautiful) and smelt the density of wet soil…then I remembered one late evening walking down the same field I saw little insects leaping forward with every step I took and felt it was all so beautiful.

What if you felt that with other people? I always tell my friends how in love I am with my brother. It is an odd word yes…but it is how I feel. I feel the same way towards my Ismail as well – actually even more so because he is such a beautiful person in heart, such a beautiful person.

This is the Sufi Path of Love. Once taken relationships become different. As human beings we feel the need to be certain about things, and we tend to categorise things, people and relationships. So for instance if this man is my father, therefore he will behave a certain way to me, I to him and we can only share certain things with each other. Physical affection after a certain degree becomes quite disgusting etc… If this woman is a stranger, I will not trust her, it would be odd for me to smile at her, I won’t hug her as soon as she tells me her name. These categorisations are categorisations that has risen out of social expectations and need for definition, hierarchy, certainty. It is easier if we all know where we are in the social web and how we interact with each other.

But

It doesn’t make it natural. It’s nurtured. The Sufi Path to a large extent does away with all these assumptions and barriers. It doesn’t tell you what a relationship should be like, it doesn’t require any definition or if human language requires a definition it is an all-inclusive one. Actually this is not difficult to grasp and is widely practiced. Today’s mothers are love advisors, best-friends and guardians to their daughters. My brother is my friend, my younger brother, sometimes my older brother, he is a man who puts things in perspective for me, I can hold him like a someone holds a lover with great ease … we do not interact using our age or educational differences or kinship as a gauge of how to speak to each other or how we respect each other. We are just two beings with a free flow of energy, thoughts, love and words between each other. We are receiving and giving with ease.

My Ismail is another man I am not sure what kind of relationship I have with him. Is he My Uncle, legal guardian, mentor, foster father, best-friend, or my child? But this is it, when I love someone completely and allow a free-flowing connection between me and the person, such definitions are unnecessary or if not completely artificial and restrictive. A Sufi saying goes that after such a connection between two people, it is hard to discern who is the lover and who the beloved, who is the teacher and who the student…..

This is also my answer to people who think it is unnatural for me to be married to a person and intentionally live away from him. The ‘family home’ is a social construct. And we are dynamic enough as human beings to create other ways of being with another. (Btw, I am not married, or at least I know I didn’t do it drunk in Vegas, or did I? Joking. Really I haven’t been to Vegas)

I will write more in the coming days!